I can’t believe it’s already mid September. Can you? The trees around our place are starting to turn wonderful colors and falling leaves crunch under foot. Stomping on leaves makes me feel like a kid again! Warm days continue to ripen blackberries and pears. I find myself wanting to hold onto summertime for longer.
As part of my health journey I’ve been using the tool of meditation. In doing so I learned the word equanimity- learning to live in the moment and be ok with how things are instead of always wanting something to be different. As I walked around the property this morning I thought of that in relation to enjoying the beauty of trees turning color instead of bemoaning summer coming to an end.
Each day brings new gifts. Trees in riotous color, or sweet blackberries on the vine. Hugs from loved ones, or a phone call from someone far away who wants to connect. Usually the important gifts aren’t monetarily expensive but can be costly as they involve a piece of our heart.
One of the sweetest gifts is authenticity. Connecting seems easier than ever before with social media but it’s not often on a deep level. It’s also always tempting to pretend things are all ok even when they’re not. I appreciated the honesty in a fellow survivor’s recent Instagram post.
She posted a series of slides with words, and the first one said, “Everyone thinks that cancer is over once you are in remission, but it’s not that simple…” I’m living this reality right now. It’s amazing to be cancer free but my entire life has changed because of cancer. I resonated with one of the readers’ comments on that post- “so grateful, but so tired.”
Life has new poignancy. I’m incredibly grateful to be alive, and aware that each moment given is a precious gift. I also live with the tension of new realities, like the conflicting emotions of being a survivor when everyone doesn’t get that gift, and the possibility of reoccurrence. It’s concerning to have my medical professionals take me so seriously when I sense a change in my body, and then there’s the side effects of treatment that may be here to stay. I find myself feeling like I walked through a portal and nothing is the same on the other side.
In the midst of these feelings I am so grateful for my supportive community. One of the important components of that community are the ladies I meet with to pray, study the Bible, and walk through life together. They were by my side through the thick of the cancer battle and we continue to get together, and grow because of the real conversations we have about how we’re doing. I hope you have people like that in your life who demonstrate God’s love to you in practical ways. They are truly, “Jesus with skin on”, and I hope I am to them too 💗
I’ve been working on memorizing Ps 33:18-22 to be able to hold its encouragement close to my heart, because God’s unfailing love is a gift that makes my heart rejoice:
“But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”
I’ve realized that fear chokes joy in my life. It’s like the weeds in our garden that if left unchecked steal all the water and sunshine from our tomatoes. I don’t want to live in the stranglehold of fear, but in hope.
It matters what I’m focused on. When my eyes are focused on God who inspires respectful fear, there are positive effects in my life. Maybe you feel it too. When you look up, you can feel the comforting blanket of unfailing love rest upon your shoulders because you are choosing where to put your hope. May this perspective shift bring us both daily joy as the season changes.
she always wishes I’d turn on the gas stove in the studio 😆
Coming soon… a store to sell my art on the blog site ☺️