This week had a couple of friends share their story of more close friends with very serious cancer. I am so sorry that so many people are facing this challenge. It’s hard to be the one fighting and also to be the cheerleader on the team. As the encourager it can be tough to know how to help your friend or family member. My friends asked for ideas in deciding how they might help…
The best advice on fighting was given to me by a friend who is a nurse. He has worked with kids with cancer, and got my husband, Brent, and I started on the path to Focus. He suggested a bulletin board, a journal, anything to keep me going on the days when it would feel like “crawling over granite with no water in sight.” So I went to Hobby Lobby and bought the cutest bulletin board ever! Its now ready for my new creative space, but here’s a pic-
During the fight, I filled it with cards, photos, my niece’s (Ssuubi) beautiful artwork, and inspirational sayings. The bulletin board got full, so I added hand lettered notes on my mirrors (like the photos above) and set up funny cards I’d received all over my dresser. The cards represented the supporters who sent them, and felt like them cheering me on. Brent put together a slide show that played on our TV for me of my support team and funny mimes. It kept me going on days when I couldn’t read or watch tv due to being too nauseated. A friend bought me a counter- to count down to special days. I used it to countdown to the end of infusion, or radiation. I wore T shirts and socks that were “armor” because they said something to encourage me.
Choosing where to focus can increase our joy. It can be easy to fixate on whatever is right in front of us, i.e. the next task, or something that hurts like the toe we just stubbed. But how can we focus on something different when that toe is screaming at us? The key is in keeping the end goal in sight.
For me, it was “Choose Life” as I wanted to live literally but also grow through the hard stuff and be closer to God in the process. Moses defined choosing life as loving God, listening to His voice, and holding fast to Him, Deut 30:20. I needed reminders all around me of this focus, so that when my body hurt I could see the end goal through the discomfort.
Now I have “Celebrate Life” written everywhere. Being cancer free is great, but my body still hurts from treatment and gaining strength back is hard work. I need the reminder to continue to Choose Life by celebrating each moment I am given. I don’t think birthdays will ever be the same. I’m going to be so grateful for each one I get! 🙂
So how do you help your friend? First of all, be present in a way that works for them. Bringing gifts is great and we’ll chat more about that in a minute, but being “there” in a way they need is the ultimate gift. You can bring a meal, or go for a walk. Listen to them talk on the phone or send a text. Mail a card with something funny or inspirational in it, or fill it with confetti. Pray for them, send an encouraging quote. Leave flowers on their doorstep, mail gifts, or clean their house. Mow their lawn. Walk their dog. It will depend on your friend and what they need will be different at different times.
Please try NOT to say “let me know if you need anything” or if you do follow it up with a suggestion of how you can help. Once when I was really sick with migraines my pastor’s wife vacuumed my house. Not because I asked her to (who would ever do that?) but because she came over and said, “what cleaning task can’t you do that is bugging you the most?” Then she did it. Offer what you can do- can I bring you groceries? or text- hey I’m at Target- whatcha need? But let’s be honest- they can use instacart. But the instacart delivery person isn’t going to sit and listen to them process what they are going through (awkward). You as a friend are indispensable for that.
It can be hard to listen. Perhaps their stuff makes you worry that it will happen to you or brings up hard memories of when it did happen to someone else you love. We all have emotions around the word “cancer”. Try to just be there for your friend as they go through their journey and they will feel loved.
Reality is that not everyone can or will show up in the ways that works for the one that is ill. I listened to stories in my cancer support group and we all had disappointments at best, and deep wounds at worst because of this. Thankfully a cancer survivor friend had alerted me to this dynamic so I was ready to cope with it. But it still hurts.
I was encouraged today by Is 41:13, “For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you. ‘ ” Also in Psalm 23:4, the writer says “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me…” God’s precious presence is the best gift. He is always with us to sustain us if we’ll let Him into the situation. He’s the only one who will never let us down ☺️
Practically, my friends’ asked me what they could put together for a care package for their friend who is sick. I put together a couple of lists- one on Amazon and one on Etsy to give them some ideas (warning: some of the quantities are large- this is just an idea starter lol) They said they were helpful, so I thought I’d share them with you all 🙂
Please help me add to the lists. What have you found helpful during an illness that you don’t see here? or what fun thing did you bring or receive that brought encouragement?Add it to the comments!
Also- you may have noticed, I added a Joyful Journey instagram: ajoyfuljourneywg Please follow me there! My heart is to encourage anyone I can with my story so please share this post with someone you think it would help 😍
Bonus photos: I’m so grateful for my fuzzy companions on my journey. Duke and Akili love taking walks with me!
Love this! Love the care package links!
❤️
So glad they’re helpful!