35 years ago on Labor Day weekend, I met a 7 year old girl, Marissa Carney. I had no idea how she would impact my life. I had just started dating my husband, Brent, and we went to visit his family in Claremont, CA where I got to meet his darling little sister. They were exceptionally close for a 12 year age gap. Brent always could make her belly laugh. This was just the first trip of many and 3 years later she was the flower girl at our wedding.
Family vacations followed- to meet up in Yosemite or camp in Mendocino. It was on the way home from a trip when she shared with me how she had learned how to have a personal relationship with Jesus at a Vacation Bible School. From that time on, we had many faith conversations.
We loved any time we got with her and were excited when Brent’s parents decided to move to El Dorado Hills – only 2 ish hr away from us. This way they were closer as our sons were born. She was so excited to be an aunt at age 16! Even though our eldest peed on her while she changed his diaper 🤣
She graduated high school and went to Emory University and we got to see her on every break or trip home as Brent’s parents had then moved even closer to us! She loved showing up for her our boys’ soccer games or giving them gifts, like hermit crabs one Christmas😳 She and her brother passed the same can of sardines back and forth for over 20 Christmases!
After college, she stayed in the Atlanta area, taking a position with a company for whom she’d interned while at Emory. We were happy when a transfer took her to southern Ca and she was only a day’s drive away. Then the shocking news came that she had terminal brain cancer at age 24, and we were terrified.
Many car trips south happened as we supported her in the fight for her life. She was amazing! Every care giver was her friend. She looked at name tags, and used first names as she genuinely looked others in the eye and asked how they were as they helped her. She fought her cancer with courage, faith, and determination.
We prayed and begged for a miracle, and those prayers were answered. She went into remission, unheard of with her type of cancer. Post treatment, she decided to move back to Atlanta and wanted to make a career change to do something more meaningful. Eventually she found a home & community at Make a Wish. She touched many lives in their time of need, and her ability to communicate with corporate sponsors raised money for many wishes to be granted.
Marissa also decided to try online dating. After many frustrating first dates, she decided to be upfront about her cancer before any date began. Nick was the first one who that didn’t faze. He proved that he was her match in the ability to face life with courage and faith.
It was wonderful to watch them fall in love and decide to spend life by each other’s side. Together they decided to foster to adopt. In 2019, a 7 week old baby entered their lives- Bella. She and Nick adjusted to parenting and threw their hearts into it. It was a dream come true.
In 2021, I got unexpected news that I had metastatic breast cancer. We rushed into treatment and surgeries which were elevated by the discovery that I carry the BRCA 1 gene. Marissa was “by my side” emotionally and added songs to help me create a fight play list. Her example was at the forefront of my mind during each health care interaction. I looked at name tags, asked questions about how the person was, or complemented them. I brought flowers to appointments to show appreciation. I dug into my faith and fought back with joy. Basically I channeled my inner Marissa.
Unfortunately her fight also began again that summer as a new brain tumor was found. Surgery was performed once and then twice as she begged them to get everything they could so that she could be the mom and wife she wanted to be for as long as possible. She bought her caregivers magic wands.
In April of 2022 many prayers were answered when Bella’s adoption was finalized. Bella Loren Marrano has found a special place in all of our hearts. Marissa fought valiantly for each day she could spend as her mother.
Cancer brings new perspective. Marissa had showed me that and then I faced it myself. Because of her, I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t want to continue running the company we had built, post cancer but wanted something more meaningful including more time with those I love. Gratitude consumes me for each day I’m given, and now I try to capture that as I blog, paint and make greeting cards. Who knows what all this next chapter will hold as this new perspective carries me forward?
“Today is a gift” is the way Marissa lived the last three years. Last September on a visit, I got to sit at the park with her. Marissa’s words had trouble getting out, but she looked around her with a smile and said, “Today”. I knew what she meant as she savored the moment- today is a gift, let’s enjoy it.
As cancer took her eyesight and mobility this spring, her attitude of grit was inspiring. Her kind heart remained evident as she continued to be concerned for others – wanting us to “tell her everything” about her nephews and being so happy for Bella to get to play softball.
My life is better for having Marissa in it. She taught me that even when life hands you lemons you can unexplainably make lemonade. She was a bright star, shining out in a dark world (Phil 2:15 AMPC). She found strength in her faith as she faced the dreaded reoccurrence. She loved with her whole heart, and never gave up. I know by her example that if I have to face what every cancer survivor dreads- reoccurrence- by God’s grace I could fight again.
We got the news that Marissa had gone to heaven two days before her daughter Bella turned 5. I recently painted Bella dancing and was so happy when it arrived in time for her birthday. I hope as she grows up she carries her mother’s legacy into her life, choosing to dance when she faces challenging days. I’m so grateful for her daddy, Nick, and the tribe around her of those who loved Marissa and love her. Bella shines brightly, just like her mama did.
I’m so grateful to know Marissa is now in heaven along with her precious mom, enjoying “amazing” things and probably dancing to Faith Hill songs. For as many days as I am given, I want to follow her example to shine brightly, live life to the fullest- in faith not fear; and enjoy today, because each day is a gift to be savored 💗
Her move to heaven leaves a hole here. God comforts my grieving heart with these words, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and knows them by name, (Ps 147:3-4 NLT).” As I look into the night sky, I wonder, is one named Marissa? ✨
