Have you ever noticed the number of shades of green there are in our world? While growing as an artist, it has become apparent that I had no idea. When capturing a landscape there are so many different greens I need. One of my painting teachers taught me how to start with Hooker’s Green add purple to make dark green, yellow for light grass green, white for an even lighter shade & so on- from just that one color to fill my pallet with umpteen shades of green.

I was painting a reflection of trees in the Truckee River this week and lamenting my lack of Hooker’s Green. I was using other greens I had on hand but they weren’t turning out quite right. Then I remembered, on clearance at an art store I had purchased a 16oz of Hooker’s Green! Buried under my other extra colors was what I’d needed all the time, but I had been doing without.

Being without is another way to define scarcity. I hadn’t thought much about that word until reading “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brenne Brown. I highly recommend it. She eloquently shows how having a mindset of scarcity can negatively affect everything we do. The fear of being without can spiral us into very unhelpful places.

In Psalm 23, David opens with, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want (NIV 1984).” I did a lot of repeating Psalm 23 to myself to settle my mind during cancer, especially when trying to sleep. Repeating Psalm 23 helped me to remember God wants to lead, guide, and protect me as my Lord and Shepherd and in that place, scarcity is not my reality. Like verse Psalm 23:1 says, “I shall not be in want.”

I can do a great job of looking like I’m living a Christian life fueled by the Holy Spirit’s power but instead actually trying to do it on my own. God’s resources are limitless. He can give me never-ending love, kindness, joy. I know when I’m not plugged into Him because my resources reach an end, often abruptly. This usually results in me snapping at someone I love.

This offers clarity to do a reset. It’s an opportunity to ask for forgiveness from the person I’ve hurt and take myself back to God and ask Him to fill me up with what I need to do what He’s asking me to do. Love for the one He wants me to love. Grace for myself or another who isn’t where I wish they were. Kindness for a person who’s hurting. When life is hard, one of the benefits is that we are quickly humbled by our lack- of patience, persistence, love, kindness, courage, resilience.

Just like my green paint that was hiding in plain sight, God waits right beside us like a gentleman for us to come to Him with our need. He wants to meet us where we’re at in the very darkest and shine His light for the road ahead. He’s an amazing travel companion for the journey, offering everything to make it better like rest, snacks, water, and fuel. He also wants to lead the way.

I think that’s the true issue with why I ignore His ability to provide all I need. In order to receive all He wants to give, I have to let Him be who He is in my life. Psalm 23:1 says He’s Lord. The Good Shepherd, not just a Good Shepherd. As Lord, He wants to not be my sidekick on an adventure called life, but the leader, guide, driver.

To not live in scarcity requires surrender. Why is that so hard? I know I’m going to reach the end quickly if I rely on my own resources, but I still continue to try to muster through on my own. I’m a certified control freak but I try and hide it even from myself. If control has been stripped away, maybe in the form of pain, or grief, or loss we can reach for the lifeline. The Good Shepherd wants to hold us close and be sure we lack nothing.

I’ve really been enjoying the music of Leanna Crawford. She just released her “Still Waters” album. I love how her music is raw yet encouraging. Her title song “Still Waters” is all about Psalm 23 and how our Shepherd makes us dwell in safety by the still waters. When control has been stripped away because life has thrown curveballs, our entire system can shut down because we feel unsafe. Afraid of what is next, fear can paralyze us as we come face to face with the limitations of our own resilience to continue moving forward.

Thankfully, scarcity does not have to define our reality. In surrender, we can find “peace that passes understanding” (Phil 4:6-7). It will literally make no sense outwardly, but inwardly we can have joy as we are being “renewed day by day (2 Cor 4:16b).”

My prayer for both of us is found in Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, and may you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Our part is to trust. He has the power to fill us with joy, peace, and hope. What a way to truly live!

Our garden is full of summer blooms. I’ve been enjoying cutting and arranging them into colorful bouquets to be sold at our local strawberry stand. It’s been fun to join my husband in the garden more. I’ve been teased for years about my ability to kill plants. I even let an air plant die and replaced it with a plastic one 😂 My gardener husband was appalled.

This summer, I’m beginning to hear what the plants are saying. Lately they have been wilting in the heat. They are crying out for water with droopy leaves, curled petals, and singed edges. As people, when life turns up the heat, we wilt too. Its wonderful when people around us notice and offer refreshment.

Sometimes we see someone in need of encouragement, but it can be hard to know what to say or do. Several people reached out to me this week with their hearts heavy for someone in their life who is headed into or undergoing cancer treatment. They wanted some advice on how to help in a way that would be appreciated. I hope my experience can help.

First thing- it’s ok to not know what to say. It’s just not ok to say nothing. Cancer treatment is isolating. Please reach out to your friend, but it’s ok to tell them you don’t know what to say, but you care. The comments I appreciated most also validated that what I was experiencing was sucky and made my friend sad that I had to endure it.

Offer help, but please don’t say, “let me know how I can help.” Unfortunately we all have our pride. I never reached out to people who made a general offer. I did gratefully accept specific things offered or given- sweet or funny gifts, homemade food, grocery drop offs, walks, long talks, and animal visits.

If you want ideas for gifts- here’s an Amazon list of helpful items you could send: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/33T7LCHAOBXAP?ref_=wl_share

Just use it to get your own ideas going ☺️

If you’re far away from your person, you can send a meal via door dash, or flowers in so many ways. Cards, texts, phone calls or FaceTime are all options. Humor is always appreciated and a listening ear. The fighter is experiencing so many emotions. Just don’t give advice unless requested. Others have already given too much, I promise 😉

Remember you are unique and have something special to give your person that’s hurting. So, think of a few options you could afford physically, financially, and emotionally and offer them- then see what they pick.

Maybe you’re the one reading this and wishing someone would see your wilting petals and stop to help. I hope they do and your people show up to help you fight. Unfortunately though, it’s your fight. You’re the one who has to suit up and go to battle each day.

What does that look like? It means taking steps forward even if they’re small. If someone has offered some support, accept. Be honest when people ask how you’re doing. Figure out what gives you energy and do more of that.

If you’ve read some of my blogs, you’ve figured out that I have a strong spiritual practice. My personal relationship with God grew deeper during cancer. Jeremiah 17:7-8 says, “…blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes, it’s leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

Thankfully, pre cancer my roots were already deep into the living water God wants to give. During treatment I met with Him and read His word daily to receive refreshment and strength. God and I had honest conversations about all that I was feeling and thinking. I like to do that by writing out my prayers in a journal that I eventually toss as it’s messy and raw. I also keep a gratitude list journal and my one from treatment is priceless to me because it is filled with ways I saw God meet my needs -often using those around me. My gratitude journals I keep. I just hit over 9500 items- post cancer.

I have a chronic pain condition from an old foot injury from a horse that happened when I was 18. Thankfully I had done a lot of work before cancer to figure out how to cope with chronic pain. Those skills were totally transferable to fighting cancer. One of the most important ones was utilizing regular exercise.

Years ago a pivotal moment happened for me when a doctor asked, “Do you want to walk?” It felt like a ludicrous question to me… she followed it up with, “then you need to swim.” Swimming is life giving to me now and was during cancer. Personally I also enjoy my stationary bike, and walking as much as I can. Discover what you like, but move until you do. Movement will increase your endorphins and you need them!

Think of ways to connect with and appreciate your medical team. I enjoyed bringing them flowers. My sister-in-law while fighting brain cancer, handed out magic wands. It’s important to feel seen, and saying thank you to them will make you feel good and pave a path to better communication with your team.

Enjoy foods you like, and ones that are good for you 😆, wear comfy clothes, snuggle in soft blankets, read funny books, watch feel good movies, drink LOTS of water, take a nap, listen to fun music, dance, pet an animal, spend time in nature, avoid negativity, and be creative.

Painting has been something I’ve enjoyed for years. After treatment was when I had time to take classes to learn and improve. The process of being creative is extremely life giving. During treatment a friend gave me a book on hand lettering that was really fun to do. I find that my entire system relaxes when I’m painting and any anxiety or high emotion melts away. Find what you can do that feeds your soul. The process is what matters, not the end product. If what you create starts to be something you want to keep- that’s a bonus ☺️

Consider a focus board or bulletin board with photos of those who love you, and things that encourage you to keep on keeping on. Some days you’ll rock it and some days will be hard to get out of bed. The next day can be better, but you might have to choose to make it so. It ok to cry, and be angry. Let it out and don’t stuff it down. Then refocus on all you have to be grateful for. You can do this! Just take one step at a time.

Side note- A friend helped me understand that not everyone can show up for you in a way you wish they would. Just the word “cancer” triggers differing emotions in all of us. Some people will disappear. It hurts. It’s more about them than you. Their own fears might be paralyzing them. Try to let it go and focus on those who step in. Your relationships with them will grow in beautiful ways.

We can each bloom where we’re planted, even if the soil is very rocky. Whatever role you find yourself in, supporter or fighter, please consider how to draw strength from God. Roots that go down deep into the Living Water will enable you to be a source of refreshment to those around you, and give you strength to keep going.

Today would’ve been my sister-in-law, Marissa’s, 42nd birthday. She’s been gone a month now, after dying from brain cancer reoccurrence. This afternoon, I suited up in my bright pink “Joy” t-shirt and enjoyed ice cream with a friend in her honor. My friend let me talk about all the things I loved about my little sister-in-law. The shirt defines joy as “gladness not defined by circumstances.” Let’s choose joy each day we’re given, and decide to bloom where we’re planted 🌸💗

35 years ago on Labor Day weekend, I met a 7 year old girl, Marissa Carney. I had no idea how she would impact my life. I had just started dating my husband, Brent, and we went to visit his family in Claremont, CA where I got to meet his darling little sister. They were exceptionally close for a 12 year age gap. Brent always could make her belly laugh. This was just the first trip of many and 3 years later she was the flower girl at our wedding.

Family vacations followed- to meet up in Yosemite or camp in Mendocino. It was on the way home from a trip when she shared with me how she had learned how to have a personal relationship with Jesus at a Vacation Bible School. From that time on, we had many faith conversations.

We loved any time we got with her and were excited when Brent’s parents decided to move to El Dorado Hills – only 2 ish hr away from us. This way they were closer as our sons were born. She was so excited to be an aunt at age 16! Even though our eldest peed on her while she changed his diaper 🤣

She graduated high school and went to Emory University and we got to see her on every break or trip home as Brent’s parents had then moved even closer to us! She loved showing up for her our boys’ soccer games or giving them gifts, like hermit crabs one Christmas😳 She and her brother passed the same can of sardines back and forth for over 20 Christmases!

After college, she stayed in the Atlanta area, taking a position with a company for whom she’d interned while at Emory. We were happy when a transfer took her to southern Ca and she was only a day’s drive away. Then the shocking news came that she had terminal brain cancer at age 24, and we were terrified.

Many car trips south happened as we supported her in the fight for her life. She was amazing! Every care giver was her friend. She looked at name tags, and used first names as she genuinely looked others in the eye and asked how they were as they helped her. She fought her cancer with courage, faith, and determination.

We prayed and begged for a miracle, and those prayers were answered. She went into remission, unheard of with her type of cancer. Post treatment, she decided to move back to Atlanta and wanted to make a career change to do something more meaningful. Eventually she found a home & community at Make a Wish. She touched many lives in their time of need, and her ability to communicate with corporate sponsors raised money for many wishes to be granted.

Marissa also decided to try online dating. After many frustrating first dates, she decided to be upfront about her cancer before any date began. Nick was the first one who that didn’t faze. He proved that he was her match in the ability to face life with courage and faith.

It was wonderful to watch them fall in love and decide to spend life by each other’s side. Together they decided to foster to adopt. In 2019, a 7 week old baby entered their lives- Bella. She and Nick adjusted to parenting and threw their hearts into it. It was a dream come true.

In 2021, I got unexpected news that I had metastatic breast cancer. We rushed into treatment and surgeries which were elevated by the discovery that I carry the BRCA 1 gene. Marissa was “by my side” emotionally and added songs to help me create a fight play list. Her example was at the forefront of my mind during each health care interaction. I looked at name tags, asked questions about how the person was, or complemented them. I brought flowers to appointments to show appreciation. I dug into my faith and fought back with joy. Basically I channeled my inner Marissa.

Unfortunately her fight also began again that summer as a new brain tumor was found. Surgery was performed once and then twice as she begged them to get everything they could so that she could be the mom and wife she wanted to be for as long as possible. She bought her caregivers magic wands.

In April of 2022 many prayers were answered when Bella’s adoption was finalized. Bella Loren Marrano has found a special place in all of our hearts. Marissa fought valiantly for each day she could spend as her mother.

Cancer brings new perspective. Marissa had showed me that and then I faced it myself. Because of her, I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t want to continue running the company we had built, post cancer but wanted something more meaningful including more time with those I love. Gratitude consumes me for each day I’m given, and now I try to capture that as I blog, paint and make greeting cards. Who knows what all this next chapter will hold as this new perspective carries me forward?

“Today is a gift” is the way Marissa lived the last three years. Last September on a visit, I got to sit at the park with her. Marissa’s words had trouble getting out, but she looked around her with a smile and said, “Today”. I knew what she meant as she savored the moment- today is a gift, let’s enjoy it.

As cancer took her eyesight and mobility this spring, her attitude of grit was inspiring. Her kind heart remained evident as she continued to be concerned for others – wanting us to “tell her everything” about her nephews and being so happy for Bella to get to play softball.

My life is better for having Marissa in it. She taught me that even when life hands you lemons you can unexplainably make lemonade. She was a bright star, shining out in a dark world (Phil 2:15 AMPC). She found strength in her faith as she faced the dreaded reoccurrence. She loved with her whole heart, and never gave up. I know by her example that if I have to face what every cancer survivor dreads- reoccurrence- by God’s grace I could fight again.

We got the news that Marissa had gone to heaven two days before her daughter Bella turned 5. I recently painted Bella dancing and was so happy when it arrived in time for her birthday. I hope as she grows up she carries her mother’s legacy into her life, choosing to dance when she faces challenging days. I’m so grateful for her daddy, Nick, and the tribe around her of those who loved Marissa and love her. Bella shines brightly, just like her mama did.

I’m so grateful to know Marissa is now in heaven along with her precious mom, enjoying “amazing” things and probably dancing to Faith Hill songs. For as many days as I am given, I want to follow her example to shine brightly, live life to the fullest- in faith not fear; and enjoy today, because each day is a gift to be savored 💗

Her move to heaven leaves a hole here. God comforts my grieving heart with these words, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and knows them by name, (Ps 147:3-4 NLT).” As I look into the night sky, I wonder, is one named Marissa? ✨

I recently finished a painting of a butterfly and asked facebook friends for ideas on a name. One suggested Splendor in the Grass and asked if I knew of the poem by Woodsworth? I didn’t and once I read it, was captivated by this line, “though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower, we grieve not, rather find strength in what lies behind.” Google says the poem is about the fleeting nature of youth. Maybe? I see in this line a beautiful sentiment about legacy left behind by loved ones.

I just finished another scene that includes redwood trees and a stream. I took the reference photo outside of my dentist’s office in Occidental this winter because the scene reminded me of growing up in the redwoods. I loved it when it rained enough that the creek ran in winter. In it I added forget-me-nots and wild irises. When my grandmother passed away we spread her ashes by a redwood tree where wild irises were blooming. I named this painting Forget Me Not in her honor.

My grandma has been gone for 23 years, yet I still miss her. She left behind a legacy that is still meaningful. She was an intelligent woman, who got her master’s degree in nursing while many women still weren’t going to college. She had a career nursing, including teaching at Stanford’s teaching hospital. When I was struggling as a young teacher she paid for a class on assertiveness ☺️ She taught me to sew by hand, and to enjoy peanut butter on toast with sliced bananas. She loved to play backgammon with me, enjoyed growing roses, and teaching Bible Study. Her faith despite the difficulties she’d faced was inspiring. She was an amazing listener and a pretty terrible cook 😆 she loved to watch live sports, and came to every school event she could. I was so fortunate to have her love and support.

These gifts my grandmother gave me are her legacy. They are what “lies behind” even once the flowers have faded.

Today we can enjoy time with those we love, storing up memories. When they are gone, those memories will be their legacy and continue to warm our hearts. Things like the smell of a double delight rose blooming, or a taste of peanut butter on toast with sliced bananas can bring them back to us for a minute 💗

Spring is fading into summer. Time seems to pass more quickly the older I get. I don’t want to miss the splendor in the grass of this moment- the butterfly landing on wild radish that Brent caught with his camera for me, or the end of the irises blooming. Soon the apple blossoms will turn into apples, and my berry vine full of blooms will share tart fruit- some of the joys of summer.

Each season has its beauty and perhaps its heartbreak. In the midst of the sad, I don’t want to miss the good. I have the privilege of being auntie to wonderful nieces and nephews. Two are close by. In the midst of this season of grief, I haven’t felt very “fun”, but Sanyu and Ssuubi both just had birthdays. These led to some special time out together and wonderful smiles pictured here. Memories were made 😍 and my heart was full after getting time together.

Let’s find strength in what “lies behind”, joy in those things that transcend time and bring delight to our hearts. What splendor in the grass can we catch today?

I’m creating a new phrase- joy bytes. I’m so grateful that there are reasons to be grateful every day. A friend recently called them “bits of joy”. In her illustration, she likened grief to fog rolling in over the Golden Gate Bridge- cold, heavy, and obscuring the beauty; but thankfully grief ebbs and flows and there are still times when the sun shines and the sky gleams blue. The search for sunshine in life can feel like a treasure hunt. When we find it- let’s call it a joy byte, and savor it for at least 8 seconds ☺️ (because according to google, a byte of information is 8 decimals long functioning as a unit)

I’ve been on the treasure hunt for joy bytes lately, seeking to stop and be present in the moment as it occurs. I’m hoping you’ll join me on the journey and that my list will spring board your own. Perhaps we can help each other see additional reasons to experience joy!

A friend recently gave me an awesome bright pink T-shirt that says, “JOY- noun- gladness not based on circumstances, 1 Peter 1:8-9”. It was so cute that I made sure my new daughter-in-law and I both have one and we had a twinsies day 😄 (see photo) It’s remarkable that as humans we can feel two opposite emotions at the same time. So, even if life is hard or the news is hard to watch, joy can be present because-

There are still happy dog wiggles

Kitty cat purrs

Happy dog smiles

Birds chirping

Fruit trees blooming

Irises springing forth to herald the change of seasons

Roses starting to bud

The smell of lilacs wafting

The taste of dark chocolate

Fresh popped popcorn in 3 min in a microwave

Funny books that someone actually finished writing

The smell of just mowed grass

Hot coffee to help start the day

A silly cat & dog who join me in “greeting” each new day with a prayer of thanksgiving 😻

A public pool in which to swim laps

A field of forget me nots discovered on a drive at sunset

The Pacific Ocean is just 30 min away from my house

The smell of the ocean

The feel of kitty cat fur

Hot chocolate chip cookies with melty chocolate chips 😋

Ice cream!

A meal shared with friends

The encouragement of a listening ear

The warmth of a hug

Soft sweaters

Fun music that makes you just have to sing along or dance however imperfectly

Life giving hobbies

The feeling of euphoria after exercise

The colors in the sky at sunset

Puffy clouds rolling by

An unexpected rainbow reminding that God does keep His promises

Purchasing an item on sale!

Hair to brush & curl & color 🤣

Fresh eggs from a friend

FaceTime so you can see someone far away

The thoughtfulness of a text

Laughing with a friend (and crying too)

Being creative

Work that brings purpose & $

Heartfelt generosity

Jeans that fit ☺️

A clean house

Fresh flowers on the table

Recliners and fuzzy blankets

Time with family

The power of prayer

The “steadfast love of the Lord never ceases”

And His “mercies are new every morning” (Lam 3:22-23)

And the list goes on… feel free to post some of yours. We’d love to be encouraged by your joy bytes💗

Morass is a word you don’t hear often. A friend used it in a sentence the other day and I teased her. She’s got a situation at work that she described as a “morass”, which according to google means “a complicated or confusing situation” or an area of “muddy ground”.

I’m a fan of reality tv shows and recently got hooked on “Farmer Wants a Wife”. (Why seemingly sweet girls think dating a guy on television with multiple other women is a good idea, is beyond me; but I do find the girl drama entertaining) On the show last week the girls on one farm were wading through muck in a pasture up to their knees to pour dark brown liquid in a large tub. It looked disgusting on every level until I realized the liquid was sweet molasses. I love molasses! Ginger cookies and homemade gingerbread are Yum!!! and they require molasses.

Lately I’ve been stuck in the muck of life. Grief has been thick, and made it hard to function. Much like trying to walk through thigh high mud, my steps have felt heavy each day. Painting has helped me cope.

So this weekend in the studio, I added another rooster to my portfolio, and named him Mr. Bed Head. My husband, Brent, took the reference photo for me at a local feed store. He’s a therapy rooster. I didn’t even know that was a thing! Polish roosters crack me up with their mop of feathers that wave back and forth. I think God smiled when he created them. They are just so funny. What looks like crazy hair was part of His design, perhaps just to make us smile too no matter what else is going on.

In the midst of the muck of life it can feel like there’s no reason to smile and everything stinks, quite literally like muck in a pasture. In my daily meditation on the calm app today, the narrator used an interesting quote, “no mud, no lotus”. Apparently, the lotus flower needs mud to grow. She likened this to challenges in our life and how they can help us grow. It made me think of my friend and her morass, or my grief…

Fortunately sometimes what is a morass can actually be used for good. God can do miracles, turning things upside down or inside out and bringing good where we can only see bad.

One day in reading 1 Peter chapter 1, I realized that the value I place on hard circumstances and God’s valuation are different. The text says, “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may result in praise when Jesus Christ is revealed” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Faith in God’s economy is worth more than gold, and comfort is not. If I’m absolutely honest, for me comfort feels more valuable than the faith that hard circumstances can help grow. At least that’s how I act. I was touched this week by the prodigal son’s story and that it was when he was “in deep need” (Luke 15:14) that his life began to change for the better. When we are in deep need, our desperation can be the beginning of our faith growing deeper.

Desperation feels like a morass, but God says it’s sweet like molasses. He can fill our neediness when we’re aware of it. This is not comfortable, and can burn like the fire that refines gold. In the midst of my grief, I’m seeking Him each day, and He is meeting me here. Life still hurts, but in His hands even this can be used to bring about growth.

Friend, if you too are deeply hurting, may it be a catalyst to reach for the One who can truly help heal your spirit. He promises that when we call, He’ll answer. I’m so grateful He’s always listening, caring, and coming after us with compassion. When we head towards Him, just like the prodigal son’s father -He runs to meet us (Luke 15:20). May we both feel the depth of His love today, no matter how much life hurts.

Spring is around the corner, and I can’t wait. The grey days of winter seem so long after the holidays. The daffodils have begun blooming, bringing bursts of yellow to our soggy yard. White Cala lilies are trying to defy the final freezing temperatures, and always remind me Easter is coming.

Easter speaks hope to my soul. Literally God took the worst of circumstances and did a miracle. Fulfilling the promise of Rom 8:28, “And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.” I can’t imagine how excruciating it must have been for God the Father to watch His beloved Son suffer unjustly the death of a criminal, and wait to save the day until Sunday morning. The resurrection means that nothing is too hard for God to overcome- not my sin, or death.

There’s a common phrase used often these days, and many have used it with me post cancer. It’s some version of, you deserve____, because of all you’ve been through. It always makes me uncomfortable, because it doesn’t fit with my world view.

Grace means “undeserved favor”. This is what God gives to me. In spite of my sin, He forgives. In spite of my desire for independence from Him, He reaches in and lifts me up and brings me close, and gives wonderful gifts including grace.

We have a beautiful rose garden, because my husband puts in the effort to help them grow in our Sebastopol sandy soil. Many of our roses have fun names and we purchased them as gifts to commemorate special events.

When I went for a mid-treatment mammogram and sonogram, the medical team couldn’t find Mervin the tumor. We were overjoyed and went shopping for a rose. We found a pink one, called “State of Grace.” As a breast cancer survivor, pink has special significance. I wore a pink wig to medical appointments during my fight, to hide my baldness and show my spirit. So when we saw a beautiful pink bloom, with this name we knew it was the one to celebrate this milestone.

This week I had a checkup with my oncologist. I’m already more than two years post treatment, and she threw the word “cured” into our conversation re my progress. We were shocked. She’s not an optimist so it felt very significant that she would use that word. I celebrated by eating amazing chocolate cake a friend made, and painting 😁

I painted pink roses, and named it “State of Grace.” I am living in a state of grace on so many levels. I don’t deserve to be cancer free. I have many people I love fighting metastatic cancer. They don’t deserve to be in a battle for their lives. We all are experiencing the brokenness of this world, and some of us have it affecting our bodies each day in the form of life threatening disease.

As we look towards spring, and Easter, may each new flower blooming speak to us of the promise of Grace. Instead of expecting something easier, better, more fun- may we reach for the gifts God offers in the midst: grace, strength, joy, peace, compassion…

As you look towards Spring & Easter comes, may it be a reminder that God can bring victory into anything- even the most excruciating of circumstances. I pray that you will experience joy that defies hurt. Grace that sustains you and redeems you and whatever you or someone you love are facing.

I love to swim. I try to get to a community pool near us at least a couple times a week. Swimming is wonderful exercise and it always resets my attitude with the endorphins gained by moving and being in and near water. There’s a slogan at the pool “water is life”. Yes we need it to drink… but my life is also enriched by being in water regularly ☺️

The habit of swimming started when I could hardly walk. At 18 a horse put all its weight on my right foot. This resulted in life long damage to that foot. Later on, as the mother of a 4 and 6 year old I had a surgery to remove a bone spur that was one of the results of the accident. I wanted to walk better as I raised my kids! Instead a pain condition set in post surgery and even walking across a room became difficult.

I went to see a pain specialist and she asked me a painfully obvious question, “Do you want to walk?” Can you guess my answer?? “Yes!”She said, “then you must start swimming” and handed me a flyer for an aqua therapy program at our community pool.

Motivated by seeking to keep my mobility, I swam. A kind student recognized the depression on my face as I struggled to move in spite of the pain and to make it to class, he encouraged me, “just keep coming- it will get better.” And it did.

I couldn’t swim through some of my cancer treatment. I was too weak or I had had a surgery, but as soon as I was able, I got back to it. It’s been a tremendous part of regaining my stamina and is always a boost to my mental health. I’m not a great swimmer. My right foot is still weak from soft tissue damage, and the peripheral neuropathy from chemotherapy is still subsiding, but 25 minutes of moving in water is life giving.

I was surprised this week while swimming laps, when someone two lanes over yelled at me. Once he got my attention he gave me unwanted feedback on my stroke. It was a rainy day, an emotional day where for many reasons it’d been hard to get myself to the pool. He thought he was being helpful, I guess, but I just wanted to scream at him that he had no idea how hard it was for me to just move- pretty or not.

Words are so powerful. Unfortunately we use them all day long. In my Bible reading this week I was reminded, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”(Eph 4:29).

Sometimes we think we are being helpful when we aren’t. On vacation last week my husband saw a T shirt that said something like- everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. As I share about my cancer story, I’m constantly shocked by how many others have fought cancer too or have someone they love who either lost the fight or is in a fight. It reminds me to treat everyone with kindness. I want my words to benefit those around me, not hurt them.

As I excited the pool, I resisted the urge to lambast the other “helpful” swimmer by filling him in on my story. I sought to be proud of myself for getting to the pool and moving. Then I was shocked by who came into the locker room as I got ready to go home. A doctor from 20 years ago whose words had changed my life by encouraging me to swim.

I thought about just smiling to myself and leaving but instead I stopped and made sure it was her. She remembered me. We’ve seen each other at the community pool before, but it’s been about 10 years since then. She smiled and said she had just recently encouraged someone else with my story.

I was surprised and pleased that she was using my swimming success to encourage others. She thanked me for saying hello and I could tell my current health and her part in that, was uplifting for her to see. I went home with a full heart.

Today we’ll use words. We’ll talk, text, write emails, and maybe even talk on the phone. Let’s remember to be kind. Let’s pause before we react in anger or frustration. In doing so, may our hearts fill with joy as our words bring life to others.

As 2024 begins, I’ve been thinking a lot about light… I’m realizing as I grow as an artist that a painting isn’t believable until it accurately captures the light in the scene. I painted a still life of pears in November, and capturing them got me thinking.

In defining light, appropriate shadows get added. Different objects cast shadows that vary in length or depth of intensity. Isn’t that just like life? Different experiences cast shadows that vary in intensity of experience. One commonality is that the shadow is darkest the closer you are to an object. This makes me consider the old saying, “time heals all wounds”.

Thankfully as time marches on the intensity of our reaction lessens to negative experiences, and we may even begin to be able to see things from a new perspective. Thankfully shadows are only present because light is shining. Light is always shining, we just have to look for it.

There’s always a lighter side to an object. The dark helps define the light. It’s tempting to want life to be all sunshine and pleasant experiences, but isn’t it true, for example, that vacation only really has meaning as a break from hard work? And sunshine feels brightest after grey stormy days?

There is also reflective light on objects. This reminds me of the unexpected good things that happen amidst the hard. As I fought cancer, relationships deepened as friends “showed up” in unexpected ways. The gratitude I feel now each new morning has deepened because of its juxtaposition to the possibility of my number of days being cut short.

I’m expressing this gratitude in bright colors as I paint. Others in my class painted pears too- no one else felt the need to capture the turquoise plate they were on. Several of my classmates painted moody pears that could have been in candlelight. I couldn’t not paint the bright plate. It felt like it was singing to me about the joy found in color.

As a middle and high school student I participated in speech competitions. There was a poem that many students memorized to recite about the tapestry of life and how the dark threads were there so the light ones would stand out. As I stood back and looked at my pears they were missing the lightest detail. My instructor helped me see where to place a spark of light on each pear.

Don’t we all need the perspective of others to see things clearly? May we be someone who points out to others things we can rejoice in together. Joy is multiplied when shared.

As we begin 2024 may we have the sight to see Light in every experience. May we have the wisdom to understand that shadows won’t stay intense forever, and the dark helps us feel grateful for the light. There might be someone around us who needs our perspective to see the highlights in their life more clearly. Let’s help them celebrate.