Breathe, just breathe. The breath is so easy to take for granted, but each intake is a gift. Did you know you can control your heart rate by how fast or slow your breathing is? If holiday panic is setting in, stop and breathe slowly to calm your spirit 😉

The holidays are “supposed” to be glorious but there’s a lot of internal & external expectations around trying to make it so. This can mean exhaustion- there is just so much to do to keep up with celebrations and preparation for your own family & friends’ get togethers. Stack grief, work, illness, or anything else on top of it and one can feel buried under the weight of it all instead of joyful.

Sunday, my pastor preached on 2 Timothy 1:6-7 and fanning into flame our spiritual gift or passion (v6). He reminded us that fire needs oxygen. This made me remember that when I was a kid, my dad had a bellows by the fireplace that he’d use to blow life into the spark and get the paper to crackle and the kindling to light. Often this was at Christmas so we could sit by a fire and open our gifts.

In case you’re picturing a moment from a Norman Rockwell painting- fun fact, my oldest brother had dropped his very fashionable (late 70’s) back pocket comb into the vents of our fireplace. So for years our ambience always came with an aroma of plastic 🤣

This week as I considered how to fan my spiritual flame, I realized fear was trying to starve me of oxygen. The next verse, 2 Tim 1:7, really encouraged me, “God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven, and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power, and love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self control (Amplified).”

Last week I was given a tremendous privilege- to hang my art in my friend’s restaurant in Santa Rosa, Brother’s Cafe. Then the very next day, he and his brother asked me to fill with art the walls of the coffee shop they had just purchased, Avid Coffee in Sebastopol.

I am so excited to have these opportunities. I hope people will see the joy in my paintings and be encouraged to celebrate the gift of each day we are given. It also feels a bit overwhelming. Fear sought to creep in and steal my oxygen. Shallow breathing commenced. Negative thoughts abounded. Thankfully I have a choice about what I allow myself to believe but it takes effort to live in truth vs. fearful lies.

So I’m trying to be intentional about blowing air into my soul. Last night, I enjoyed painting because when I paint I slow down and breathe. It is a gift that fills my lungs and renews my spirit. Today I read God’s truth, spent some time being grateful, and exercised because those things also rejuvenate me. There are also things clamoring for attention-friends who are ill, presents to wrap, bills to pay, and labels to create for paintings, prints to order etc.

In the midst of business, I want to slow down and breathe. Choose to celebrate the opportunities God has brought my way and enjoy them with the spirit of power, love and discipline that He gives me. In the process, hopefully others will be warmed by His flame that burns within my heart.

Hope Valley is a real place. I can’t believe I just learned about it. It a gorgeous meadow in the Sierras where hwy 89 meets hwy 88. We heard about it from a website publishing where to go in CA to see fall colors. There are lots of aspen trees there & if you hit it just right- you find gold. Twirling, swirling, yellow, orange & gold leaves turning to caramel before they stop their quaking & flutter to the ground so the trees can winter.

Its been a couple of weeks since I came home from a trip to GA to see family, and meet little Wonder Woman (mentioned in the last post). God gave me strength for the travel and I’m grateful for the memories we created. It’s not easy to grieve. Everyone does it in our own way and it’s a complicated, multi-faceted process not always approved by our culture. I’m grateful I got to spend this anniversary of my sister’s passing, being with her daughter, Madison, and her sweet family. We even accomplished handprint art with very active kiddos 😆

Grief feels multiplied by global events. Today, I was encouraged by Jer 31:13 & 17, both for myself and for our world, especially Israel, “I will turn their morning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow… so there is hope for your future.“ These words were meant for Israel initially and only come to me through my grafted in status through faith. They bring me hope in the midst of grief.

In my ladies Bible study we recently studied the miracle of the resurrection of Lazarus (John 11). Both of his sisters felt that Jesus was a bit behind schedule when he arrived a few days after their brother had died. They said to Him essentially, if you had been here this would not have been the outcome. They didn’t see the option that a different miracle was on the agenda.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering about an impossible question to answer- what did Lazarus think about being called back from heaven after four days in Paradise? I think it’s been on my mind so much because I, like Mary and Martha, begged for a miracle while my sister was on the ventilator with covid in fall of 2021 while I went through chemotherapy. But instead, God took her to heaven & kept her there. Conversely, He answered my prayers to rid my body of cancer & giving me a 2nd lease on life, and here I am.

This brings me to my second question about Lazarus- how did he spend those additional years on earth he was given? I bet it looked different than before his death. He must have lived in such close relationship with God after seeing Him face to face for a few days. I’m sure he saw each day as having an eternal purpose. So how did he spend his time?

I find myself asking that question to myself, how shall I spend this time that I’ve been given? I don’t want to spend it afraid. I want to live in Hope Valley where I may not be able to see what’s around the bend, but I know Who can. Psalm 23:4, is such a comfort, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” I’ve heard it said that the rod protects and the staff guides.

No matter how deep the valley, we never have to be alone. We also have the privilege of taking hold of our Good Shepherd’s hand and knowing He will protect and lead. In a previous post, “At the Table” I shared some thoughts on Psalm 23:5 and what it can mean to sit at the banquet table with Jesus. “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.“

When I picture sitting down to the banquet table, I see fear cowering beneath it. As I consider having hope for the future, I find myself asking lots of questions about what, how, when. Maybe you do in your circumstances too. Last night as I tried to quiet my mind, I saw Jesus sitting at the table with me and spreading out a treasure map before us. It included lots of hills & valleys, complete with obstacles as every good treasure map does. He assured me that He knows the way and where the treasure is. I just need to follow His lead.

Last week we discovered gold in Hope Valley. I’m not sure what this week holds, but I’m grateful I know Who will help me see the next step. May we have joy in the journey 💗

I can’t believe it’s already mid September. Can you? The trees around our place are starting to turn wonderful colors and falling leaves crunch under foot. Stomping on leaves makes me feel like a kid again! Warm days continue to ripen blackberries and pears. I find myself wanting to hold onto summertime for longer.

As part of my health journey I’ve been using the tool of meditation. In doing so I learned the word equanimity- learning to live in the moment and be ok with how things are instead of always wanting something to be different. As I walked around the property this morning I thought of that in relation to enjoying the beauty of trees turning color instead of bemoaning summer coming to an end.

Each day brings new gifts. Trees in riotous color, or sweet blackberries on the vine. Hugs from loved ones, or a phone call from someone far away who wants to connect. Usually the important gifts aren’t monetarily expensive but can be costly as they involve a piece of our heart.

One of the sweetest gifts is authenticity. Connecting seems easier than ever before with social media but it’s not often on a deep level. It’s also always tempting to pretend things are all ok even when they’re not. I appreciated the honesty in a fellow survivor’s recent Instagram post.

She posted a series of slides with words, and the first one said, “Everyone thinks that cancer is over once you are in remission, but it’s not that simple…” I’m living this reality right now. It’s amazing to be cancer free but my entire life has changed because of cancer. I resonated with one of the readers’ comments on that post- “so grateful, but so tired.”

Life has new poignancy. I’m incredibly grateful to be alive, and aware that each moment given is a precious gift. I also live with the tension of new realities, like the conflicting emotions of being a survivor when everyone doesn’t get that gift, and the possibility of reoccurrence. It’s concerning to have my medical professionals take me so seriously when I sense a change in my body, and then there’s the side effects of treatment that may be here to stay. I find myself feeling like I walked through a portal and nothing is the same on the other side.

In the midst of these feelings I am so grateful for my supportive community. One of the important components of that community are the ladies I meet with to pray, study the Bible, and walk through life together. They were by my side through the thick of the cancer battle and we continue to get together, and grow because of the real conversations we have about how we’re doing. I hope you have people like that in your life who demonstrate God’s love to you in practical ways. They are truly, “Jesus with skin on”, and I hope I am to them too 💗

I’ve been working on memorizing Ps 33:18-22 to be able to hold its encouragement close to my heart, because God’s unfailing love is a gift that makes my heart rejoice:

“But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”

I’ve realized that fear chokes joy in my life. It’s like the weeds in our garden that if left unchecked steal all the water and sunshine from our tomatoes. I don’t want to live in the stranglehold of fear, but in hope.

It matters what I’m focused on. When my eyes are focused on God who inspires respectful fear, there are positive effects in my life. Maybe you feel it too. When you look up, you can feel the comforting blanket of unfailing love rest upon your shoulders because you are choosing where to put your hope. May this perspective shift bring us both daily joy as the season changes.

Coming soon… a store to sell my art on the blog site ☺️

I’ve been pondering fruit lately and the process of growing. The wild blackberries at our place have recently ripened and due to the wet winter we had there are so many, and they are big and plump. Unfortunately the winter & spring rains had another effect on our plum, peach and nectarine trees. The spring blossoms got knocked to the ground and we only got a handful of fruit. I’m in a competition with the squirrels for who will pick it first!

As I’ve been thinking about fruit, imagine my surprise today when I went to remove the sticker from my Granny Smith apple and found a tag, “Joyfully Grown” 😄. It resonated with me. How can I grow joyfully because of winter rain or other circumstances instead of letting the blooming process get derailed? Also how can the fruit in my life be used to help others grow?

Whenever I think of fruit the spiritual metaphor comes to mind, “…the fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, kindness, gentleness, and self control…” (Gal 5:22-23). First these are gifts from the Spirit into our lives should we choose to receive them, and then He produces them in us to share with others.

I got to pray with a fighter on the phone last week as she headed for yet another biopsy. We discussed some visualization ideas to help with her anxiety. Everyone’s process is unique but I shared with her my view on the table from Psalm 23:5 and how God meets our needs in the midst of the battle (see blog post “At the Table”).

We discussed some of the spiritual fruit listed above, beginning with love. When contemplating love, I like to imagine Jesus holding my hand as I face something challenging. In my hand I can feel His, and run my fingers over His scars from being nailed to the cross for me. In doing this, I can’t argue with His (or the Father’s) limitless love. I can (& do) express my hurt or lack of understanding, but the proof of His love is right there in those scars.

I’ve been going to a lot of appointments at the chronic pain department at Kaiser. Thankfully they are helping and my foot pain which was exacerbated by chemotherapy is improving. Yay!

Additionally I’ve been healing through painting a lot, and doing the hard work of grieving. When I lost my sister during treatment, and then Brent’s mom, and other life changes hit I kept going by agreeing with my psyche that I’d deal with that later. The cancer battle had to take precedence. Well apparently now is later. Oh boy, I’d really like to find a way around grief or at least a short cut 🙄

One of my practitioners said something beautiful to me recently- what about seeing your tears as rain in the desert? Rain that then produces new life.

Isn’t this just like God? He’s a God of reversals, bringing new life out of dark situations. The resurrection is His best example of this! What reason to hope.

Caring for others who are hurting can bring us joy. So can just having fun. One of my favorite ways to enjoy life is to spend time with children. I love their exuberance and “can do” attitude. I was blessed this week to spend time with my new pastor’s wife, Marby Iglesias, and their three kiddos. I knew I was in for a great time when I opened the door to 3 year old princess, Ilyse 👑 😍

I also got to share my love of painting with their oldest, Bella, and somehow while at my house their son, Isaiah, turned into Scooby Doo! Kids grow in the midst of everyday life. It’s a blessing to participate in that growth.

I want to have a Fruitful Life. In fact, I did something risky for me and entered an art piece by that title (of a pear) at the Sonoma County Fair ☺️ So if you go to the fair- look for my name in the fine arts section. There are two amateur acrylic paintings and two colored pencil drawings 💗 It’s the first time I’ve been willing to sell my art. It feels like a bit of my healing is in each piece.

Each day I want Jesus to fill me up with His love, and then give me eyes to see to whom He wants to give the fruit He’s producing in me. Join me on this journey? Maybe you’ll get to play dress up too! 🤣

I’m left with just one question, was it wrong that I was angry when the squirrel got our one peach before I did? 🤔😡

We had some fun birthdays to celebrate around here lately. Our son Tanner turned 24 and my dad, Norm Jones, turned 85. He makes it look like the new 60 ☺️ I’m so grateful for the father he has been to me and the example he’s set in living life well.

For most of my life, my dad ran Mt. Gilead Bible Conference. Set in the redwoods of Northern CA, camp was a wonderful place to grow up. It was in this special place that my friend since childhood, Erica, and I ran around playing in the groves of trees that were our castle, house, and restaurant. We were set free to play and just needed to listen for the Dining Hall bell and show up for meals.

I spent a lot of time thinking about redwood trees these last few weeks, as I painted a picture of them for my dad’s birthday gift. He and my mom spent their life shining God’s light in the midst of the redwoods and I wanted to honor that.

As a child, I didn’t realize how unique my environment was or that people come to Northern CA just to see the redwoods. I later learned why there were groves to play in- redwood trees share their roots with each other. These towering trees actually have fairly shallow roots because they are intertwined with the surrounding trees, helping to support each other.

What a wonderful example of something we can strive to do as well. When we reach out to others in community, we can support one another on our journey. This takes vulnerability and authenticity but the gain is worth the risk.

Redwood trees are also naturally fire resistant and bug resistant due to the high level of tannin in them. As a child I took for granted that many of the groves had a blackened tree telling a story of harder times. During cancer treatment when Brent and I visited the Avenue of the Giants, we noticed a burnt tree that had regrown into two trees. As an adult in need of inspiration, this was a powerful example of how hard times can result in renewed life, an encouragement I still need.

The writer of Jeremiah in 17:8 says, “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; it’s leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to grow fruit.”

What reasons to rejoice! We can choose to drink from the Living Water and be sustained through each season of life, even fire. We can grow, spreading green leaves of shade over others, and produce fruit that will bless those around us.

How can we grow like a redwood tree? Who can we ask for support or support ourselves in some way? Who can we gather around us to celebrate something or someone special?

Let’s drink deeply from the Living Water God wants to give us, and may it grow us into someone who can withstand the fires of life. May we have resiliency and spread out green leaves of shade to others in need of rest, being a safe place for them. May the Spirit grow his wonderful fruit in us and may others be blessed, “and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace…” Gal 5:22.

Enjoy your week, and go hug a tree! ☺️ 🌲Don’t forget to look up, the Light is shining…

Life is a roller coaster. Some days are up, some are down, some are twisty spirals where you don’t know which way is up or down. Others it feels like you’re spinning in circles and not getting much of anywhere. I recently got the cutest pictures from my niece of my grand nephews and niece thoroughly enjoying Disney World. She sent photos of them with mouse glasses in place and ginormous grins.

This week Brent and I were in the backyard when we heard a tremendous crash. He ran to help and I called 911. A car had flipped at the intersection near our house. Thankfully the driver was wearing her safety belt and was scared and disoriented but all ok! May we always buckle up for the ride.

I recently had a 6 mo check in with my oncologist. All is good! Yay 🎊 but to figure that out I had to ride roller coaster of life. I’d found a weird mass and my oncologist wanted me to check in with my surgical team as they have the ultrasound machine. My doctor said, I’m not worried but… Has it ever worked to lessen anxiety when someone begins a sentence that way??

Brent and I left my oncologist’s office and before leaving the parking lot called the surgical team. Here’s the blessing- 10 min later due to a cancellation in their schedule, I was upstairs seeing the PA and being cleared since she could use the ultrasound to confirm the truth- the new mass is harmless scar tissue.

In retelling this story to a friend, I’m embarrassed to admit that I used the words, “I can’t catch a break”, to describe the pit in my stomach as I went through this. See I’m not one who enjoys roller coasters. My friend said, “I disagree- a same day appointment only 10 min later sounds like a break to me!”

She’s right. It was a gift to get cleared so quickly and not have to wait any longer, wondering and worrying. I’ve been pondering a truth- there are lies in my head. Do you have them too? Things like- you are alone, life will always be hard, things never go your way, there’s not enough_____ (fill in the blank) money, time, energy, or you are not enough…

I learned long ago that these poisonous lies exist and their antidote is truth. Somehow it’s very easy to loose sight of this. This is why gratitude is so powerful. In spending time being thankful, we are focused on what is good and true. This change of focus quiets the clamor of the lies. Paul says in Phil 4:8-9 that this is part of living in God’s peace.

We don’t always get to choose where our life goes or how fast or slow the ride will be. Sometimes we’re just hanging on through hair pin turns hoping not to land on our head. In the midst of treatment Brent and I took a trip up north to the Avenue of the Giants. After some rain, the sun burst forth shining through the dark forest of redwoods. It was a beautiful display of how light can shine the way.

I find that my daily time reading God’s book of truth, the Bible, fills my mind & heart with encouragement. Ps 119:105 says it this way, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” It combats the lies with truths like, God will never leave me alone, or make me face anything alone, His power is always enough, He made me a masterpiece and even has a plan for this post cancer tired body.

Choosing to buckle up for the adventure with our safety belt in place is part of being ready for twists or turns that come our way. Eph 6 describes our spiritual armor and part of it is the “belt of truth”. It’s an essential element of our success. We can listen to and believe truth or let the darkness of lies run the show.

Are there any lies getting the upper hand for you today? Or can you be a part of helping a friend see truth in the darkness? I’m so grateful for what my friend said to me and how the honesty of others helps me on my journey 💗

I’m flying home from Alaska today. Wow 😮 it was an amazing trip to see wonderful life-long friends. As my first solo adventure post treatment it was a celebration of my healing in addition to shocking my friend, Terah Lites, who was celebrating her birthday. Her family kept the secret well and we delivered an EPIC surprise 😆

The Lites live in Palmer, AK. The town has lots of amenities like lots of small towns but when you look up, you see ginormous mountains. The mountains are so splendid that it feels unreal to be going about every day business in their presence. It seems like they must be a national park, but it’s just the everyday landscape there.

The weather just started warming up to daytime temperatures in the 40’s to 50’s so snow covers the ground in most places and the mountains are covered in snow. Barren trees enhance the view of the peaks allowing you to see through them instead of green leaves blocking the way.

Soon those trees will quickly leaf out and wild flowers will appear. Fireweed will abound as part of that transition. A beautiful fuchsia flower, it is one of the first flowers to bloom after wildfire. Fire actually helps it germinate. Many souvenirs feature the flower because it symbolizes Alaska- the beauty amidst the rugged.

I was recently reminded how wild flowers are a symbol of God’s care for us. They are “here today and tomorrow are thrown into the fire.”and their beautiful petals encourage us, “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself (Matt 6:30-34)”

Life is always offering us new reasons to worry. It can be hard to let go and trust instead. The writer of Psalm 121 put it this way, “I lift my eyes to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. (V 1-2)”

I felt His sustaining power this week as I traveled. My feet which are sore with the increased neuropathy from chemotherapy let me do some shopping and got me up and down the stairs in my friends’ home. I also saw a lot of beautiful sights from the car. I’m grateful for the wheelchair service at the airport.

It can be hard not worry about how these feet will carry me into the future. What will my mobility look like? Will I get back to what I had pre cancer, or will it always be diminished? Regardless, God assures me that He’s got this.

None of us know the future. Worrying about what’s coming can drive us crazy. Instead let’s come out of the fire stronger, with trust blooming. I watched God take care of my needs daily during treatment, and He isn’t going to abandon me now or ever. You either!

Look up- see the hills? See any beautiful flowers blooming this spring?Let’s let them remind us of their Maker and His help that is ever present.