It’s Christmas- how did that happen? It was just Thanksgiving! Life is moving faster, another evidence of my body healing from treatment ☺️ I’m grateful to be able to do more these days, including baking! The fresh baked goodies around my house are physical evidence that my feet are healing from chemotherapy. What a sweet way to celebrate improvement 🥧🍪

We sat around with a group of people recently and discussed our favorite memories of Christmas. We didn’t know many of the folks in the circle very well. By the end of an hour that had changed. Almost everyone shared something- stories of special traditions like elf on the shelf or when they got caught sneaking into unwrapped gifts.

Many of the stories were funny, some were sentimental but all of them included an intangible gift. There were stories of singing Christmas carols in hospitals or a senior mobile home park, and stories of being Santa to children or helping the Elf on the shelf do funny shenanigans. The stories included the joy of Christmas and that wasn’t found wrapped under the tree.

On the first Christmas the angels told the shepherds, “Do not be afraid, I bring you good news that will bring joy to all the people“ (Luke 2:10). Jesus was and is the best gift ever. The angels knew that He’d be the answer to all that terrifies us. Each day He gives us reason to rejoice. God choose to join us in human form and save us from ourselves, offering hope that doesn’t disappoint.

I continue to need these truths. Life continues to have challenges. (Shocking, right? 🙄) I’m doing great, but recently had another health scare that took several appointments to figure out I was ok. This is our first Christmas without Brent’s mom. Grief swirls. A good friend’s grandson has cancer, another friend is undergoing treatment and her body is struggling to receive the medications she needs. Both need our prayers. Pain abounds around us and I’m not even talking about the news.

Simultaneously our son, Tanner, just got engaged to an amazing woman. I continue to heal, and am loving learning to paint. Time spent in my studio is extremely life giving. Our son, Neal, hosted Thanksgiving in a home he bought and is renovating. Brent and I have gotten to travel and have new adventures together.

We recently went to Muscatine, Iowa where Brent’s Great Great Grandparents started a department store in the late 1800’s. It was a special time of celebrating his mom’s family’s legacy. We arrived late at night and came upon a farmhouse with single candles lighting the windows for Christmas. My heart overflowed because his sweet mother so enjoyed putting single candles in her windows each Christmas. She told me it was “to light the way for the Christ child.”

The best Christmas memories happen when we experience joy. Sometimes it happens when we do something for others to make them smile. It can also happen when we see His light clearly and help to shine it in other’s dark places. My favorite Christmas verse is, “Because of the tender mercy of God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace” (Luke 1: 78-79).

May you experience the intangible gifts of Christmas this year. I pray that joy will overflow in your heart, no matter how hard your circumstances are. May you have eyes to see the light of heaven coming into your dark spaces giving you hope and peace even if you “should” be terrified. Hopefully others will see and be encouraged to believe.

Joy to the World, our Savior has Come!

I just got to meet my great nephews and niece for the first time. They are precious and rambunctious, full of the zest for life. The littlest guy, Bruce, just turned two. We got to ride down a bumpy muddy road together in a UTV on my brother & sister-in-law’s country property in TN. We had so much fun!

Once we were done with our ride he wanted to “drive”. He sat in the front seat enjoying moving the steering wheel and any button he could reach. Then he looked at me and said, “Help!” It was very clear that the “help” he wanted was to make the vehicle GO. Brent commented that it was a good thing he couldn’t reach the pedals. My niece’s boyfriend, Stuart, said, “Oh he tried. He used the file to reach and see if he could push it down” 😳 We made sure all tools he could use were safely stowed and Uncle Brent took him for a ride on his lap, letting him “drive.” 😍

Bruce’s plea for help makes me smile each time I recall it. It also made me think. When does it become so hard to ask for the help we need? Why do we often feel like we have to handle life on our own? It can go so much better when we admit we could use some assistance.

When my sister, Rikki, passed away last year from covid while I was in the middle of chemotherapy, it was excruciating to not attend the service to celebrate her life at her home in GA. I’ve been wanting to see my precious nieces, meet the kiddos, and spend time remembering her together. My brother Darrin and sister-in-law Julie have also wanted us to see their place in TN. We asked our niece, Madison, husband (Josh) & kids along with our niece, Jessica, and her boyfriend (Stuart) to gather with us in TN. Together we made super special memories that included taking time to tell stories and honor my sister’s life. This photo of us all shows how much fun we had.

Traveling is always tricky for me due to my damaged foot from the old horse injury. Now the peripheral neuropathy from chemotherapy has made it even harder. I’m so thankful for the wheelchair service that airports offer and Brent’s gracious help with my bags. As we returned home from TN, we were concerned about how long it would take to get a wheelchair person to pick me up at the rental car return area. We left extra early to allow for a delay. When returning our car, Brent asked the Budget agent how to request a wheelchair be delivered to the garage. He said, “Oh I’ll just drive you over to Departures.” Wow. We just had to say, “Help!”

“Help” can also be a profound prayer. A prayer in which we express our inability to meet all our own needs, and God’s unlimited resources to do so. The psalmist said, “Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings (Ps 63:7)”. Joy can be found in the safety of God’s protection and certainty of His help. Today I was encouraged by Isaiah 30:19, “…How gracious He will be when you cry for help! As soon as He hears, He will answer you.”

The next verse is more challenging to my spirit, v 20 “Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.” I’m realizing that God’s gifts can often be wrapped in hard circumstances. Its in the middle of them that we are drawn more fully into what He has for us- especially more of Him because its there that I humbly realize my need. This was so true this last year during treatment.

Unfortunately asking for help from humans doesn’t always bring the assistance we hope for- perhaps they don’t understand the request or can’t step in for some reason of their own. This can hurt and can hinder us from asking again in the future. We’ve done the same to others- left them needing more. Thankfully God’s resources are inexhaustible and He’s always ready and able to meet our deepest needs and many of our wants. That provision may come in unexpected ways. May we have eyes to see and ears to, “hear a voice behind [us], saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it'” (Is 30:22).

I’m so grateful we don’t have to go it alone. Its soul food to watch God redeem hard circumstances or meet our needs in ways we didn’t imagine- like a Budget rental car employee being our Uber driver ☺️

Here’s one of my favorite photos of my sister (middle) with me (left) and niece Jessica (right) from Thanksgiving 2013.

What do we do when life backs us into a corner? In meeting with my team of cancer doctors I often lamented to my husband that there wasn’t another choice on the menu. They were thankfully offering treatments that would save my life but they all came with possible side effects some of which I’m healing from now. This week, I met a newly diagnosed breast cancer patient. In discussing her upcoming treatment she said, “Well, I don’t have much choice, do I?” But she does have a choice to make, and in that moment I saw her choice more clearly than I can sometimes see my own.

From my gut I responded, “Oh yes you do! Are you going to give up? or fight?” Her eyes took on a militant gleam, she squared her shoulders and said, “Fight!” She has this choice as she faces her first oncology appointment, her first infusion, her first treatment decision. She can avoid reality or suit up and fight her battle. 

We all get battles placed in our lap that we don’t want. None of us saw a pandemic coming. Now all of us have to choose how to re engage in life and our world as we move out of crisis mode and into Covid 19 being a part of day to day life. How did our ancestors do it with the Spanish Flu or rebuilding their lives after fighting WWI or WWII? It wasn’t easy, but the survivors of those times have stories we want to know. Those stories include choices they made sometimes unconsciously because not fighting just wasn’t an option for them.

There is a place for grief in all our stories. Grief that our world got torn apart by a diagnosis, death, or world event. Sometimes treatment isn’t an answer we receive. It takes courage to engage hospice and to spend any time given well. Even in the midst of excruciating circumstances, we can choose our outlook.

What does fighting really look like? It can take so many different forms, but the main one I’m thinking of is an internal attitude of grit. Will we run away from the grief or current challenge? Or will we show up, face our lack of control, go through it vs. around it, and fight?

In the midst of my cancer battle I was amazed anew at David’s courage when he went out to meet Goliath (1 Samuel 17). He showed up to the battleground with provisions for his brothers to encourage them during their battle. He discovered his older brothers cowering in fear because of the enormity of the challenge before them- a literal giant who was taunting their God and declaring that all someone had to do was defeat him and the Israelites could win.

David was appalled. He was a young man with a fresh perspective of how God had saved him from wild animals while tending his sheep. He had confidence in “the Lord Almighty” (v 45) and declared “the Battle is the Lord’s” (v 48).  He went into a sword fight with a sling and some stones, and no outward armor. His armor was in Whom he was placing his confidence and a tool he knew how to use.

David had met with King Saul and couldn’t stand up under the weight of Saul’s physical armor. He had to find his own. He went back to what he knew- Who God is and what God had used in his life before- a sling shot. Using these weapons he, a boy, defeated a huge war veteran (there’s more gruesome details to the story) but you get the gist. I bet family dinners were a hoot after he did what his older brothers were afraid to do…

We don’t have to go into any battle alone. We can choose for God to be with us, and He will supply the armor and the strength (Eph. 6). The mechanics of this might look different depending on what motivates each of us and what we are facing.

My sister-in-law fought brain cancer at 24 and modeled how to survive with grit and kindness. Every person who helped her from a doctor to an orderly became her best friend, affected by her contagious spirit of faith and courage. I was so fortunate to go into my battle with that inspiration. I’m also motivated by humor so “Wonder Woman“ gear was helpful to me as were all kinds of different wigs. Having a beautiful calendar to cross off milestones & record blessings was an important tool as was a water bottle as a constant companion with my battle cry stuck to it. I encouraged my new friend to spend this weekend figuring out how she was going to suit up for her cancer battle.

Now as I recover strength and grieve the losses of this year, beautiful cards with encouraging promises from Scripture are stuck to my mirror. So is a photo of a rainbow God gave me mid treatment to remind me that the rain won’t last forever and His promises remain true. I spend a lot of time in the beauty of our garden my husband maintains, being creative, and swimming. What works for you?

I wish every story had a fairy tale ending, but that’s just not life is it? Heaven is where all sorrow and pain will cease. Unfortunately here on earth our time includes heartache. Victory can come by putting one foot in front of each other and keeping our faith in the “Lord Almighty” who doesn’t always use his omnipotence in the ways we think He should. When I question what He allows, I remind myself that I don’t want God’s job. I can’t see the big picture and He can.

Joy can be found in trusting even when we don’t understand. Joy can be found in suiting up with His armor and confidence that He’s got a plan even when we can’t see it. The rain doesn’t last forever. It does allow the flowers to grow and the sun will peak through again.  Let’s look around for the stones we need for our sling, show up, and FIGHT.

Please consider sharing this post with someone it would encourage!❤️

As a child did you love art supplies?  Our sons did. I was even able to set up a store after Halloween where they bought art supplies from me with their candy (who can resist glitter glue?). It was a win win as their sugar highs dwindled before their Christmas stockings resupplied them, and my chocolate stores increased for late night snacking 😆 Tanner seemed especially excited about painting so we asked our neighbor friend, Morella, to give him lessons.

Morella was a prolific oil painter & water colorist. We bought Tanner a large art box for Christmas and set up his first lesson with her. I brought a book to read while they painted. As they got started Morella offered for me to join them. I hesitated but decided to try. Tanner painted an Easter egg and later balked at setting up another lesson. I painted the ocean, beach and palm trees and fell in love.

Morella and I painted together for years. I still miss her instruction and company, as she’s passed on. Water color has always been my medium of choice for portability and ease of clean up, but as life has slowed down I’ve dabbled in acrylics too. In fact, I’ve just signed up for an in person colored pencils class and a beginner acrylics class. I can’t wait to see what I can learn! I hope to learn to really capture the ocean well.

This week I was discussing with a friend the power of creative pursuits in stress reduction. She is very clear she’s not a painter but she loves the written word. Creativity can take so many forms. Tanner has never come back to painting but he’s a master wood worker, talented carver, and excellent leather tooler among other things. I have friends who dance, and know so many talented at different types of photography. Whatever it is for you- sewing, singing, cooking, gardening, or recording family history (just to name a few), I hope you can carve out some time to practice it.

God created us and when do something creative, we can feel him smiling. “At the beginning You founded the earth; The heavens are the work of Your hands” (Ps 102:25). I know it can feel daunting, but being creative doesn’t all have to do with the end result. I’ve thrown out soooo many paintings over the years, but each one taught me something about the use of the medium or how to draw. I find it hard to worry while I’m creating. I go into a focused mode and get soul rest unlike I get from anything else.

Often, I’ve watched mistakes turn into something beautiful. The extra drip of water created a wash I didn’t expect or that amount of yellow with blue and green turned into a color I wish I could repeat. Isn’t that just like God’s grace? His miracle is that he can turn a mistake given to him, into something He uses for good. Nothing is wasted. Sometimes, I think He’s just teaching me patience- like when I made the sign in the photo for a friend and had to paint over it 5 times to get the letters right!

So let’s worry less about the end product and spend time being creative in the presence of our Creator. It will feed our souls, bring restorative rest from our “to do” list, and joy will bubble up like the strawberry & rhubarb juice did in this pie. Yum!

Aren’t road trips the best? The open highway stretches in front of you with promise of adventures to come. Who knows what is around the next bend? What sites you’ll see or epic snacks you’ll find at a road side stop!

My husband and I just took off on a 14 day adventure. First we drove up the California coast, enjoying towering groves of  majestic redwoods and Elk by the roadside (after we had detoured to try and find them 😆) Then we enjoyed the majestic vistas and small towns of the Oregon coast, getting to stop at a petting zoo where we had the privilege of actually touching my favorite animal, a baby jaguar 🤩 We stayed at Depoe Bay, OR where we were surprised by the presence of resident humpback whales. There we got to attend my cousin’s beautiful wedding on the beach. Afterwards, we crossed Oregon stopping for a sweet visit with my dad’s extended family.

We made it as far north as Vancouver, WA where we enjoyed seeing my nephew’s house and spending time with he and his wife. Then we drove through eastern Oregon to end up in Eagle, ID for time with great friends, a surprise visit with my niece from Australia and sister- in- law from TN! And family who joined us there for days of swimming, fishing, and playing at parks with water features. To get home, we came through Nevada and into CA and the Sierras. The whole trip was so much fun and full of wonderful surprises. Who knew that bumper cars on an ice rink was thing?? My laughter filled the ice rink as my 8 year old niece twirled us in spirals to careen into her parents 🤣 (see photo) Playing is a key that unlocks joy.

This amazing trip also included fatigue, a cold, and a call from our son that he was ok but his car was totaled. As we visited with friends and family everyone had news to share of good and hard things. Isn’t that just like life? Even when life is overwhelmingly good there is also hard.

Today I was reminded that each day I have a choice about what I will focus on. In Habakkuk 3:18 (amp) after talking about how everything in his life is going wrong, the author says, “Yet I will [choose to] rejoice in the Lord…”

On a literary road trip through Psalm 103 this week, I discovered 23 reasons to rejoice around each bend no matter what is happening around me. (Try it, maybe you can find more!) Mine include God’s gracious forgiveness and ever present love. It’s good to rejoice in Him being the healer as my life feels full of others facing illnesses. In the midst of my own fatigue (I’m tired of the energy it takes to heal), I was encouraged that He renews my strength- I can even soar like an eagle.

As we travel whatever road we’re on, let’s rejoice together in never changing truths we can count on. May we fully enjoy the gifts along the way- like the surprise gift of a flower farm just minutes down the road on our way through OR. Even better was the encouragement offered by the flower farm’s store clerk. She too has survived breast cancer and had the exact same type I did (which is rare to find). In the midst of my healing fatigue it was so encouraging to hear from another survivor that it took a full year after treatment to have her energy back.

Maybe today we’ll have the opportunity to be that voice of encouragement to someone else, who is tired from their journey. In choosing to rejoice, may we sow seeds of hope around us.

I love big gatherings! All my important people together sharing a fantastic meal, what’s not to love?

We just hosted the celebration of me being cancer free and I’m grateful that my husband encouraged my sons to learn to cook. Here’s a couple of photos of Brent and Tanner. Everyone helps- either setting up or cooking. Also many friends arrived laden with treats and together we enjoyed yummy food and good company.

What if we were invited to banquet where the food never spoiled? Where instead of our tummies being full, our spirits were refreshed and our souls fed? Psalm 23 has long been a favorite of mine. V 5 came alive for me while fighting cancer, “You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.” David wrote this while literally hiding from enemies who sought to kill him and waiting for God’s promises to be fulfilled that he’d be king. He was in the midst of inescapable difficulties. He found relief by internally sitting at God’s table while chaos reigned.

A friend shared with me what this verse meant to her. She saw herself sitting at the table with God while her fear and anxiety cowered under the table. Unfortunately those enemies weren’t gone but as she sat at the table she experienced God quieting her mind.

When sleep has eluded me I’ve taken to reciting Psalm 23 in my head. When I get to verse 5, I ask the Lord to show me who and what are at the table.

Sitting around the table are always Jesus, God the Father and the Spirit enjoying each other’s company and sharing their gifts with me. There is the Bread of Life and Living Water. Hope sits at the table with a shining face of gold, joy flits around with sparkly leaves of green like a dragonfly. Peace sits serenely and is ocean blue. Love is present and resplendent in crimson. Courage sits stalwart (and often looks like Wonder Woman 😆), Strength is there and sometimes looks like Samson. Wisdom sits on the edge of its seat ready to help.

Under the table cowers fear, anxious thoughts about the future, and lies. They have no place amongst God’s empowering gifts.

I am always invited to the table. I just need to accept the invitation and sit down to receive the sustenance provided. Dependence is the entrance fee. Forgiveness unlocks the door and is always granted when requested. God invites us to the table each day. He wants fellowship with us. Let’s sit, enjoy, and be filled with joy!

References: Bread of Life – John 6:35; Living Water- John 7:38; Hope- Heb 6:19; Love- Rom 8:38; Peace- Phil 4:7-8; Joy- Ps 16:11; Courage- Josh 1:9; Strength- 1 Ch 16:11; Wisdom- James 1:5; Forgiveness- 1 John 1:9.