God’s promises are so precious. When I was 18 I discovered which one in particular was at the top of my list. That summer a horse put all its weight on my foot. We hoped it was just another injury that would heal. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been. Instead a life long pain condition set in. A crisis of faith happened for me because of that event. I had to figure out what I really believed about God. I found myself asking what promises of His I could rely on.

We can build our lives on belief structures that we don’t even realize we have, then something  can happen to force us to really consider what is forming the way we think. Somehow I had gotten the idea that if I was doing good, then good would happen to me. When this “bad” thing happened, I was doing something “good”- working at a camp for kids. We can mix truth with fiction without even realizing it. In reading God’s story, I see a different truth. The one God loved the most- His Son- suffered the most. Jesus didn’t do anything to deserve the treatment He got. He didn’t even have to let the pain happen to Him, but He did- out of love for us.

The greatest gift God has given us came through the pain that His son endured. Through that suffering, God gives us the opportunity to never be alone again. What God really wants to give us is His presence. We never have to be alone for now or eternity.

The promise found in Jer 29:11 is super encouraging: “‘I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future,'” That long ago summer I didn’t feel like it applied to me, then I noticed verse 13. “‘You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.'” Wait, what? My mind had all kinds of ideas for the “plans” of verse 11. Mostly less pain, more “good”. As my world slowed to a crawl with limited mobility, I had time to really see v 13. Hmmm, maybe God’s definition of “good” is my greatest good = more relationship with HIm…

What do we really want when we are hurting? (Besides an off button) We want someone to listen and care. My heart is heavy this week. We have so many in our lives that are in pain. We are still trying to wrap our heads and hearts around all that happened this year with cancer and the loss of my sister and my mother-in-law, yet around every corner it seems there is more heartbreak. In the midst of this, my husband and I shared dessert and tea with some friends. They listened. They cared. We didn’t feel so alone and our hearts were lighter as we left there that night.

During cancer, Psalm 16 was a lifeline. Especially vs 11: “You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” God promises us joy, in His presence. This is a promise for eternity, but also for now. We never have to be alone, no matter what we face. This is the light in the darkness. The song in our night. (photo: I had fun hand lettering Ps 42:8)

Experiencing that light in our dark is beautiful. One friend in a text said her hard this week has caused her “to run to God over and over…why does it take the hard stuff??!” Yeah, why is that? Maybe because I’m so prone to think I’m enough- I’ve got this, I can figure it out, I’m in control. Ha! Reality begins when I admit none of those statements are true. My closest friends know they aren’t true either. Together we support each other in the need we experience each day. That need opens us up to each other in honesty and a deeper reliance on God’s “enough.”

The amazing news is that God has enough wisdom, enough love, enough strength for whatever we’re facing. When we spend time with Him, He fills us up with it and we then get the joy of sharing His enough with our world. It’s encouraging to encounter Jesus with skin on in our everyday life (like our friends who listened), and it fills us with wonder when we get to see Him love others through us. I gave my wigs away this week to another fighter. She has cancer, and an indomitable spirit. The hug she gave me when she picked them up was priceless.

On a lighter note- the animals’ furry presence bring a smile to my face every day 🙂 Thought you might enjoy seeing Duke join me in the office/creative space and Neal’s Moose helping me stretch on our cabin trip. Such goofballs.

Can you hear the old Kool & the Gang song in your head? “Celebrate good times, come on! Celebrate!” It’s no secret life can be full of hard stuff, or the next task, or just more chores. Slowing down long enough to stop and celebrate the good times is important and life giving.

Last weekend we had a “cancer free” party. Over 60 folks dropped by our house to celebrate with us. It was fantastic! Everyone smiled and enjoyed the relief of seeing physical proof that God still listens and answers prayers. So many hadn’t seen me in a long time, so viewing my hair growing back & tan cheeks from getting to swim mid day made my returning health real for them. I was humbled by how many were brought to tears as relief flooded their spirits in a new way. They had heard I was through treatment and cancer free but getting to see the living proof made a difference.

It made me realize anew how important pausing to celebrate is. I’m a list kind of person. I make the list because I love crossing done items off of it. But there’s always more lists to make. Stopping and looking over what’s been done is encouraging. Pausing to notice what God has accomplished can build our faith.

I totally relate to the disciple of Jesus, Thomas, who after Jesus’ resurrection on Easter said, “unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I won’t believe” (John 20:25). Even though he’d been there when Jesus had performed countless miracles he struggled to trust that God could do this next one.

Thomas’s actual reaction when Jesus appeared to him makes me smile. The disciples had locked themselves in a room fearing what would come next. The anxiety was thick. Then Jesus appeared in the room (notice no unlocking of the door was necessary). He looked at Thomas and offered him the chance to touch Jesus’ wounds and believe. Thomas in awe, just declared his faith- no touching necessary (John 20:28).

Each day there are new opportunities to trust. How will we handle them? I’m humbled by my inclination to doubt vs believe. Remembering how God has answered prayers can help us move from doubt to faith faster when faced with the next challenge.

In just these last few weeks we’ve celebrated multiple graduations, multiple birthdays, me being cancer free, our 30th anniversary 😳❤️, and today the freedom we enjoy in our country. Wow! How many prayers went into all those milestones? Soooo many.

Let’s stop and celebrate good times. How can we notice what God has done and praise Him for it? We just got back from the mountains. There was still patches of snow on the ground, so we got to see the first wildflowers. More than we’ve ever seen before.

Because the ground was still so wet, the mosquitos were also thick. We have a choice when faced with annoyances. Will we focus on them and miss the beauty?

It was fun to write in my gratitude journal today that I saw 43 different types of wildflowers. Long ago a good friend encouraged me to find 3 things a day to thank God for. Now I keep a gratitude journal and write in it most mornings. It’s amazing what we can see when we’re looking. Even through cancer, I filled up one journal and had to start another. Most days included 10 or more items to be grateful for. Wow- even during one of the hardest years of my life.

I recently read in Ps 4 the msg, “I have God’s more-than-enough, more joy in one ordinary day than they get in all their shopping sprees.” Let’s enjoy God’s more-than-enough today and turn ordinary days into celebrations of joy! 🥳

P.S. The sunflowers in the first picture are from our anniversary trip to Half Moon Bay. We got to see this truck returning from the field after having just picked the flowers. It made me smile how similar it was to the landing picture from this website- a truck going through life, gathering flowers along the journey!

Fearless. Courageous. That’s what I want to be. Picture Wonder Woman (sorry guys, maybe a gladiator?) Anyway, this is not always my reality. This week anxiety reared its ugly head. So often my face looks like this little boy’s as God takes me on the roller coaster of life.

I’m getting out into the world more. Meanwhile so many friends are getting covid. During treatment, I lost my sister to covid. I’m still grieving her. This escalates my emotion regarding the risks. It’s also hard to let go of the vigilance we had to have re: my health while being immune compromised. Going out into society now produces an anxiety that I’ve never had before. I want to get together with people, see faces without masks, and receive hugs, but I also don’t want to get sick.

I reached out to a couple of praying friends, and asked them to lift me up. (One sent this mime 😆) The burden on my heart eased in part due to their prayers, and also due to their honesty. I found that I’m not the only one struggling with anxiety. Many of us do for a lot of reasons, but especially in this world as we figure out our health post/during a pandemic. There’s power in realizing we’re not alone in our struggle.

God’s got us- no matter what. When Peter wanted to walk on the water, Jesus said- go for it! Peter was doing great until his gaze fell upon the waves vs. Jesus’ face. (Matt 14) This is often my problem. The sea storm takes over my vision.

I was thinking about vision this week as I did a painting for my son, Neal’s, 25th birthday. When I started the painting, a friend came by and saw the graduated yellow to green. I told him it was going to be a forest pathway, and he said, “I don’t see it, but I hope it turns out.” When we are going through life, we can’t see the finished product sometimes for a very long time. Other times, we may not understand until heaven.

I heard a poem a long time ago regarding a weaver. It talked about how necessary the dark threads are as well as the light as without them there will be no picture at the end. When I finished the painting, I did have a forest pathway ☺️ It took a lot of dark paint to create it, much more than the light colors. That gave me pause. I’ve watched God use the dark times to deepen my walk with Him, but yet I’m always asking for more light…

Painting is a gift in my life. It helps me be present in the moment. I find it hard to worry while creating. What works for you? Yoga? Walks on the beach?Hikes? Dancing in your kitchen?Discovering it and doing it regularly is so important for mental health.

At the beginning of covid, I found Psalm 46 in the Message, “God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need Him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in sea storm and earthquake before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains.” This then became a mental mantra during cancer- “I stand fearless even at the cliff edge of doom”.

I can’t control the outcome of my life no matter how hard I try. The concern of reoccurrence of cancer will now always be a thing. This lack of control & need to trust is what Jesus meant by “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matt 6:27. Nope.

So in the uncertainty, let’s grab the hand of the Master Artist of our lives, and know that He’s not finished with our painting. Let’s hide in Him when we’re anxious, and depend on Him to be our help. This is a moment by moment choice, not a place we arrive. May we “sing in the shadow of His wings” Ps 63:7. Then we’ll be fearless, courageous as He guides us down the pathway of our life.

Bonus Photo: My painting buddies

I enjoy living near the ocean. Brent and I try to take a once a week walk with Akili at Dillon Beach. We all love it. Our mantra is “the beach is beautiful in any weather.”

On our last trip out there I took these two photos. On the left you can see the beauty. What you can’t feel is the gale force wind! On the right you can see specks in the sky showing that the weather was perfect for the kite surfers. Isn’t so much of life about our perspective? Weather that made it hard for us to actually walk down the beach was perfect for these athletes.

I’ve been thinking a lot about perspective and the word practice lately. I’m learning my new physical therapy program to move beyond the pain from radiation and its taking practice. The plan is to perform the stretching & strength training at least 2x weekly FOREVER. Ug that’s a long time. Per my physical therapist it will greatly decrease the possibility of getting lymphedema from the removal of my 9 lymph nodes… It’d be awesome if this regime was something I could achieve once and complete it- like purchasing a new outfit that looks great every time I slip it on 😉

The reality is that this regime will be a new part of my life. If I don’t practice it, I’ll loose the strength and mobility I gain from it. I first learned this perspective after a surgery that didn’t have the desired result. When I was 18 a horse put all its weight on my foot “crushing” it. This began a journey of healing and in my early 30’s I decided to have surgery to remove what felt like a shard of glass in the bottom of my foot (bone spur). Unfortunately the result wasn’t what I’d hoped for. I no longer was walking on what had felt like a shard of glass, but a serious nerve condition set in called complex regional pain syndrome. Now my right foot always has pain. The level of discomfort is decreased by tools I learned when it was so bad I couldn’t walk across the room. I daily work to keep my mobility by stretching, exercising, doing acupuncture, and managing my weight bearing (i.e. standing & walking).

Learning to use these tools to retain my ability to walk has helped me in the cancer battle. This perspective reminded me to gather the tools I needed. Then the daily practice of using them helped me fight.

One tool I was encouraged to learn to use more via my cancer support group was meditation. I had dabbled with it for pain & stress control but during this process have learned to use it daily via the calm app. It’s amazing to watch controlled breathing relax my body and help decrease anxiety. (I especially love the sleep stories on the app with Humphrey the cat 😻) In meditation they use the word practice. It’s accepted that what you do today needs to be practiced again tomorrow. One never arrives; the ability to be present and relaxed just increases & hopefully we become less reactive in stressful situations.

Walking daily with Jesus is also a practice. We grow but don’t arrive in a place where we don’t need spiritual disciplines (like prayer, time reading His letter to us, or growing with others who are also on a faith journey). These tools when practiced help us stay in His presence. 

Likewise in pursuing a life of gratitude, I don’t expect to arrive. Being thankful will always be something I need to practice. Practicing gratitude will alter my perspective.

John 16:33 (amp) says, “I have told you these things so that in me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you will have tribulation, and distress, and suffering but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world. [My conquest is accomplished, my victory abiding].” What a reason to rejoice! No matter how bleak the outlook or diagnosis we still can be courageous, confident, undaunted (what a fun word), and filled with joy!

As we grab hold of Jesus’ hand, let’s feel his scars. Those wounds remind us of His immense love and are what give us hope each day because the most important battle has already been won. His victory is abiding! Let’s practice that perspective.

P. S. If something above is confusing to you, please send me an email.  I’d love to chat more about it. Here’s some garden photos and if you look closely, you’ll find Duke!

This week had a couple of friends share their story of more close friends with very serious cancer. I am so sorry that so many people are facing this challenge. It’s hard to be the one fighting and also to be the cheerleader on the team. As the encourager it can be tough to know how to help your friend or family member. My friends asked for ideas in deciding how they might help…

The best advice on fighting was given to me by a friend who is a nurse. He has worked with kids with cancer, and got my husband, Brent, and I started on the path to Focus. He suggested a bulletin board, a journal, anything to keep me going on the days when it would feel like “crawling over granite with no water in sight.” So I went to Hobby Lobby and bought the cutest bulletin board ever! Its now ready for my new creative space, but here’s a pic-

During the fight, I filled it with cards, photos, my niece’s (Ssuubi) beautiful artwork, and inspirational sayings. The bulletin board got full, so I added hand lettered notes on my mirrors (like the photos above) and set up funny cards I’d received all over my dresser. The cards represented the supporters who sent them, and felt like them cheering me on. Brent put together a slide show that played on our TV for me of my support team and funny mimes. It kept me going on days when I couldn’t read or watch tv due to being too nauseated. A friend bought me a counter- to count down to special days. I used it to countdown to the end of infusion, or radiation. I wore T shirts and socks that were “armor” because they said something to encourage me.

Choosing where to focus can increase our joy. It can be easy to fixate on whatever is right in front of us, i.e. the next task, or something that hurts like the toe we just stubbed. But how can we focus on something different when that toe is screaming at us? The key is in keeping the end goal in sight.

For me, it was “Choose Life” as I wanted to live literally but also grow through the hard stuff and be closer to God in the process. Moses defined choosing life as loving God, listening to His voice, and holding fast to Him, Deut 30:20.  I needed reminders all around me of this focus, so that when my body hurt I could see the end goal through the discomfort.

Now I have “Celebrate Life” written everywhere. Being cancer free is great, but my body still hurts from treatment and gaining strength back is hard work. I need the reminder to continue to Choose Life by celebrating each moment I am given. I don’t think birthdays will ever be the same. I’m going to be so grateful for each one I get! 🙂

So how do you help your friend? First of all, be present in a way that works for them. Bringing gifts is great and we’ll chat more about that in a minute, but being “there” in a way they need is the ultimate gift. You can bring a meal, or go for a walk. Listen to them talk on the phone or send a text. Mail a card with something funny or inspirational in it, or fill it with confetti. Pray for them, send an encouraging quote. Leave flowers on their doorstep, mail gifts, or clean their house. Mow their lawn. Walk their dog. It will depend on your friend and what they need will be different at different times.

Please try NOT to say “let me know if you need anything” or if you do follow it up with a suggestion of how you can help. Once when I was really sick with migraines my pastor’s wife vacuumed my house. Not because I asked her to (who would ever do that?) but because she came over and said, “what cleaning task can’t you do that is bugging you the most?” Then she did it. Offer what you can do- can I bring you groceries? or text- hey I’m at Target- whatcha need? But let’s be honest- they can use instacart. But the instacart delivery person isn’t going to sit and listen to them process what they are going through (awkward). You as a friend are indispensable for that.

It can be hard to listen. Perhaps their stuff makes you worry that it will happen to you or brings up hard memories of when it did happen to someone else you love. We all have emotions around the word “cancer”. Try to just be there for your friend as they go through their journey and they will feel loved.

Reality is that not everyone can or will show up in the ways that works for the one that is ill. I listened to stories in my cancer support group and we all had disappointments at best, and deep wounds at worst because of this. Thankfully a cancer survivor friend had alerted me to this dynamic so I was ready to cope with it. But it still hurts.

I was encouraged today by Is 41:13, “For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you. ‘ ” Also in Psalm 23:4, the writer says “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me…” God’s precious presence is the best gift. He is always with us to sustain us if we’ll let Him into the situation. He’s the only one who will never let us down ☺️

Practically, my friends’ asked me what they could put together for a care package for their friend who is sick. I put together a couple of lists- one on Amazon and one on Etsy to give them some ideas (warning: some of the quantities are large- this is just an idea starter lol) They said they were helpful, so I thought I’d share them with you all 🙂

Amazon Care Package Ideas

Etsy Gift Ideas

Please help me add to the lists. What have you found helpful during an illness that you don’t see here? or what fun thing did you bring or receive that brought encouragement?Add it to the comments!

Also- you may have noticed, I added a Joyful Journey instagram: ajoyfuljourneywg Please follow me there! My heart is to encourage anyone I can with my story so please share this post with someone you think it would help 😍

Bonus photos: I’m so grateful for my fuzzy companions on my journey. Duke and Akili love taking walks with me!

Life isn’t fair. We know this, right? Then why do I still act like I expect it to be free of pain, have less hard more soft? My attitude falters when life hurts.

Last week I headed to the physical therapist for an early morning visit to get some help with post radiation healing. I was in a pain and spring allergy haze = an overall funk. I sat in my car to regroup after the visit, gulp my coffee, and complain to God that I’m post treatment and I didn’t expect this new hurdle.

God can handle honest dialogue but he loves me enough to not want me to stay in a funk. He reminded me to pause and be grateful- for something, anything. When my gaze is cloudy I can usually come up with at least 3 things to be thankful for- my family, chocolate, coffee…

Then something happens in my spirit. 3 things turn to 10. 10 can turn into 20. On that day, it was easy to add that the therapist was lovely and helpful. She had given me hope that we’ll get through this to the other side. To grow the list I can start to name my family members, friends or the beauty I see in the garden my husband works so hard to maintain. I’ve asked God for eyes to see the flowers, literal and figurative, along my path each day.

Today, I was grateful to exercise, consisting of two laps around our property and 10 min riding my stationary bike. (This is quite a big improvement for me! ☺️) My dog, Akili, and cat, Duke, joined me the entire time. They are hilarious! Part of why they hang in there is they want the treats that I keep in my pocket to reward them at each leg of the journey. Duke lost his treat under a board, so when I gave him another one, Akili looked up at me totally affronted that she wasn’t getting another one too. Here’s some photos of their post exercise expectant faces 😆 you guessed it- we always wrap up with one more treat.

It struck me that I often look at God totally affronted for what He’s giving me in a given moment. Life has been full of hard this year for my family and others that I love and in our world. Some of these circumstances are truly excruciating and I don’t pretend to know the why. In the pain, it’s easy for me to forget the blessings that I’ve been given too. Like Akili, I can forget that really just seconds before I was blessed.

So what can I expect? Life will be hard 🥴 but it will also be good. No, it’s not fair. Psalm 89:15-17 says, “Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, Lord. They rejoice in your name all day long.” This is good news. We can learn this!

So how do I rejoice all day long? Well it can start with naming just three things ☺️ The first can be that God is always near no matter what. Let’s celebrate that by seeking to walk in the light of His presence no matter what path we’re on.

Bonus photo- my son’s dog, Moose, after he jumped into the fountain to get cool and then rolled in the dirt 🤣 For sure the smiles he brings are flowers on my journey.

Hi there- I’m Wendy Gorris and I invite you to join me on a journey of living life to the fullest every day.

A year ago (May 2021) I discovered I had breast cancer. It was one of those surreal moments when you realize that your life will never be the same. When waiting for the biopsy results, I told my husband, Brent, “I think our life just got T-boned.” Cancer came into my life in a real and personal way and I’ll never be the same.

I had just gotten my COVID vaccine when I noticed a lump. My doctor said to give it time as a lot of women were getting false positive mammograms due to enlarged lymph nodes after their shots. A few days later the small lump had doubled. I begged for imaging and a few days later got the dreaded news that as a family we were on new path we would never have chosen for ourselves. 

Within a few short weeks my port was installed and chemotherapy began. My oncologist said, “do you plan to work? Because it will be hard.” My husband encouraged me to take a leave of absence from our real estate business that focused on property management. I wasn’t sure how he’d take care of the business and me as we faced cancer during a pandemic. Thankfully our youngest son, Tanner, was just graduating from college. He asked if he could help by keeping things going in the office and stepped in to play a major role along with our other employee in taking care of our clients.

Chemotherapy was brutal on my body. A friend came over and we brainstormed motto ideas to keep me focused on healing during the fight. “Choose Life” became the battle cry. This came from Deut 30:19-20, “…I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life…”

I was incredibly blessed to have Team Wendy, an amazing group of friends and family who supported me through the journey. Brent put photos of them in a slideshow for me to watch when I couldn’t do much else or was trying not to puke. Those folks encouraged me, they prayed, they brought food, wore “Choose Life” t-shirts, sent flowers and cards and the list goes on.

Daily I wrote in a Gratitude Journal. I didn’t want to miss the flowers on this path called cancer. Each day, I was amazed that there were so many things to be thankful for in the midst of the hard, if I was looking. I had learned this tool to increase contentment as one who lives with chronic pain.

A curve ball came during treatment when I discovered I have the BRCA 1 gene. This led to a double mastectomy and reconstruction in November vs. a lumpectomy and then also a full hysterectomy to decrease my chances of a cancer reoccurrence. After both surgeries we celebrated the victory of a clear biopsy report: zero cancer cells found! All of this happened before Christmas (I actually chose to have the hysterectomy on my birthday 12/9 so that I could keep my plans to go to Hawaii in March of 2022 after the end of treatment- the things we’ll do to get a vacation lol) Radiation began after Christmas and lasted into the New Year of 2022.

The end of treatment came on 1/19/22 when I celebrated the completion of medical intervention! After running through the finish line tape, it felt like someone tripped me and I fell flat on my face on the pavement. Radiation had caused a breakdown of the skin that had allowed an infection around my reconstruction implant. When the doctor said he was prescribing 3 antibiotics I hoped he was joking… but he wasn’t. But by golly I drug myself to Hawaii in March of 2022 🙂

I know I’m rushing the story recap… maybe this blog will come back to it at times. I chronicled it all on CaringBridge for Team Wendy throughout the year. This new blog is about life after cancer, and living with the outlook forged from its fire.

Perspective is such a key to living life well, and I got a game changer. “Choose Life” has now become “Celebrate Life” as I am so very grateful for each day given. I feel like I’m now living in High Definition- everything is brighter and bigger. Coffee tastes better after days when I couldn’t drink it, exercise is a gift after days when there was no energy in the tank, and hugs are priceless after living immune compromised on top of surviving a pandemic. 

Join me on the journey of living life with joy, despite what comes your way. Hoping together we can explore what it means daily choose to live- loving the Lord, listening to His voice, and holding fast to Him. I see this as a practice, not a place we arrive. With the apostle Paul, I say, “Not that I have already obtained all this…, but I press on” Phil 3:12.

Here’s to a joyful journey!

P.S If you’d like to see the pre story click here: CaringBridge Journal